From "Social Justice Warrior" to Kingdom Hopeful

by Faith after Deception in

i just wanted share a little more about my background and what i believe now, in case anyone is interested:.

i was basically brought up to be a “social justice warrior”, in a rather liberal christian environment.

as a teenager, i campaigned energetically for “third world debt” to be dropped, taking part in protests and political action and other charity work… i even travelled to genoa, italy for the g8 protest in 2001 and i was also present at another large international protest in geneva, switzerland and london, england….

Faith after Deception

I just wanted share a little more about my background and what I believe now, in case anyone is interested:

I was basically brought up to be a “Social Justice Warrior”, in a rather liberal Christian environment. As a teenager, I campaigned energetically for “Third World Debt” to be dropped, taking part in protests and political action and other charity work… I even travelled to Genoa, Italy for the G8 protest in 2001 and I was also present at another large international protest in Geneva, Switzerland and London, England…

I had been told that I could “change the world” and help bring an end to poverty and injustice, but as the years went on, I started to feel more and more disheartened and discouraged… I saw that our human efforts to bring positive, lasting change were always limited by our own brokenness and inadequacy…

At that time (from around 1999 to 2004) I firmly believed that the church was Christ’s “hands and feet” and that it was our job to bring God’s Kingdom to earth… However, as you can imagine, trying to carry that out was extremely exhausting and frustrating, because I saw that the church itself was riddled with corruption, apathy and general disorganisation…

By around 2005-2006, I was thoroughly disillusioned with my naivé, idealistic ideas about “changing the world”. I was at such a vulnerable, lost stage of my life, with quite a lot of family trauma and baggage that I ended up joining a cult…

But despite this, I am extremely grateful for God’s mercy and grace through all of that, and especially the fact that he showed me the truth of his Kingdom, that He has promised to establish on earth through his Son, our Messiah, Yeshua. I will NEVER let go of my STRONG conviction that this planet will be redeemed, restored, renewed and cleansed of all the toxic injustice, corruption and pollution that it is infested with, when Jesus comes in glory to put everything right.

This is the only thing that brings me real hope when I watch the news and am tempted to despair at the current state of the world.

I know that not everyone here shares my convictions, and that’s okay. I don’t wish to start a debate here or stir up controversy, but simply to “come clean” about who I am and where I’m coming from.

If there are others here who also share in this Kingdom hope, please don’t be afraid to admit it… The fact is that not every single detail of what we were taught in the Organization was lies; now the challenge is to sift through all those teachings with the Scriptures and see which ones we can continue to cling onto, and which ones we can let go of

faithafterdeception.wordpress.com

14

Finding our true identity after spiritual abuse in the Watchtower

by Faith after Deception in

i personally find that when you’ve been around toxic people long enough, either in a family environment or as part of a cult or a highly controlling church, (or worse, both!

), you tend to get a very twisted view of your own identity and also human nature in general.. in a religious context, you may end up feeling that you are a “lowly worm” and that in general, people can’t be trusted.

since all you’ve known of relationships has been painful, complex and tiresome, it can give you the impression that this is the norm and that’s all you can expect .

Faith after Deception

I personally find that when you’ve been around toxic people long enough, either in a family environment or as part of a cult or a highly controlling church, (or worse, BOTH!), you tend to get a very twisted view of your own identity and also human nature in general.

In a religious context, you may end up feeling that you are a “lowly worm” and that in general, people can’t be trusted. Since all you’ve known of relationships has been painful, complex and tiresome, it can give you the impression that this is the norm and that’s all you can expect

Neuroscience has proven that when we’re chronically tired, stressed and/or emotionally depleted, our ability to make wise decisions is severely impaired. We’ll generally just resort to what feels comfortable, familiar or safe. The problem is: if we aren’t used to being in a truly safe environment, we may find ourselves surrounded by yet more toxic people, because that’s what feels normal to us.

On the other hand, if we meet people who are genuinely kind, sincere and loving, we may get scared and run away, because they just feel so unfamiliar and foreign to us. Or, we may be terrified of opening up and being vulnerable, because we’ve been hurt so many times in the past and fear we just can’t risk it again…

Maybe we don’t believe we actually “deserve” love or are worthy of someone else’s affection, so we distance ourselves from them…

This is also the reason why toxic churches and cults can be so damaging to our ability to form healthy friendships and relationships. There is a constant environment of criticism, blame, and gossip, and they don’t teach that we are beloved or saved by grace, but that we must strive after perfection in order to earn God’s love.

However, once we begin to stand in our true identity as beloved sons and daughters of the Most High, we can move towards healthy relationships that are not dictated by fear, manipulation or selfishness.

I truly believe that once we can accept that God is good and that he loved us enough to send His Son to die for us, we can really flourish and start to form healthy relationships. When we receive His love in our hearts and it starts to irradiate through our being to others because it will be Christ’s love that is flowing through our veins, not our own. Our whole self will be founded on the rock of Christ’s love for us, rather than on the slippery sinking sands of fear, self-loathing or insecurity.

This transition to self-compassion and the deep knowledge of our belovedness can take time and isn’t usually immediate. We have acquired many toxic thought patterns in our brains that tell us that we “aren’t enough” and can constantly slip back into anxiety, self-doubt, and envy… Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we need to make a conscious effort to “be transformed by the renewing of our minds” (Romans 12:12) so we can finally understand with our heart and mind that we are beloved and not cursed. This can be a long process, and we will need the encouragement of others on the way and great patience and grace towards ourselves. If you’re currently going through this process and are looking for a safe place to share, I invite you to email me at [email protected] or to join our Faith after Deception Fellowship group if you’re not a member already. I’d love to hear from you and to pray for you.

Love in Christ,

Emily

The Prodigal Son

9

How to help indoctrinated cult victims break free

by Faith after Deception in

cults are fuelled by fear, shame and secrecy.

members are taught to set their sights on a future existence on a paradise earth or in heaven, and forced to give up all hopes of true joy or fulfilment in this life.

they must resign themselves to boredom, drudgery and self-discipline, which is often accompanied by feelings of emptiness and dread.

Faith after Deception

Cults are fuelled by fear, shame and secrecy. Members are taught to set their sights on a future existence on a paradise earth or in heaven, and forced to give up all hopes of true joy or fulfilment in this life. They must resign themselves to boredom, drudgery and self-discipline, which is often accompanied by feelings of emptiness and dread. They are forced to fake a smile and to find the energy to put on a “positive face” in order to prove to outsiders that they are walking the “one, true path” to salvation.

The pressure to conform to external standards of behaviour when feeling dead inside can lead to inner conflict (known as “cognitive dissonance”), stress and depression. Terrorized by the threat of losing their loved ones and social community, being destroyed at Armageddon or losing their salvation, cult members often behave on “automatic pilot”. Like brainless robots, they go through the motions of life, trying desperately to ignore the questions and doubts that sometimes pop up into their minds. They make a massive effort to push them down again, to re-convince themselves that their life is not based on a lie, that all their hard work and sacrifice have not been a useless waste.

I’ve met some active cult members who have literally given up everything for their Group: a decent education, the prospect of having children or following their dreams, a career, retirement fund, or a relationship with their non-cult family members… the list goes on and on. They turned their backs on all this to serve their Organization full time.

Therefore, when they are faced with someone who challenges their beliefs, the need to justify and defend their life choices is overwhelming. That is why talking to indoctrinated robots can be like banging your head against a thick, heavy wall…

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In addition, when we speak to people, they do not generally react to the words we say, but the emotion behind them. If we express ourselves in anger, frustration, bitterness or with words laced with ridicule and contempt, we alienate our listeners, causing them to shut their ears, turn away, or fight back defensively. Thus, it’s possible to push them even further from us, and make them more closed to our well-researched arguments.

That doesn’t mean however that there is nothing we can do to help cult victims from breaking free, or that we are powerless in our quest. There are tried and tested ways to achieve this, based on intelligent and compassionate efforts by families and friends who want to rescue their loved ones. If you are interested in learning more about this, I would highly recommend Steven Hassan‘s books, particularly “Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs”.

Ex-cult members who are keen to expose the Group’s corruption and destructive impact on human lives need to think strategically, using all the means of communication, resources and platforms available. I know of one ex-Jehovah’s Witness family of seven members who all woke up because the father listened to a radio show on the way to work, which mentioned the Royal Australian Commission into child sexual abuse. He was so shocked to discover that his beloved Organization was harbouring and protecting paedophiles, that he started to do his own research, and was eventually able to convince his whole family to leave.

Reading something in a respected newspaper, watching a TV show or listening to a news report on the radio about their cult is one way that could get indoctrinated people thinking critically, but only if they are ready to. In the FB Group “Faith after Deception Fellowship”, someone recently asked the question: “Why didn’t we wake up sooner?” and the most common answer was: “I wasn’t emotionally or psychologically prepared to do so beforehand”.

So, the question is: how can we help Cult victims to open their hearts to the ugly truth about the truth of their Organization? Renowned cult expert, Steven Hassan offers a three pronged approach:

Build trust with the person. If they don’t trust you or feel they can confide in you, they will never listen to you.

Ask them searching questions that they can go away and investigate, rather than feeding them answers. If they refuse to respond to you, at least you have planted a small seed of doubt in their minds.

Help them to get better acquainted with other cults. Many people are now becoming aware that they are in a toxic group after watching Leah Rimini’s brave exposé of Scientology. When indoctrinated people see how Mind Control is used in other Groups, they are faced with the uneasy reality that they are being manipulated in the same way.

If you think it would be appropriate, you could even ask the cult member to answer these 25 questions to find out if they are in a cult.

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They also need to know that if they leave, they can count on you. The fear of loneliness and social isolation means that people inside cults remain there far too long, even after they’ve woken up. Ex-members and concerned family and friends need to provide strong and lasting friendships with those who are seeking to escape, to support them on their long and difficult journey out.

Journey

4

Freedom from Abuse

by Faith after Deception in

i hope you don't mind if i share my latest blog post here: .

one of the most common ways in which people are psychologically traumatized whilst in a cult or religious high control group, is the extreme pressure to “forgive” people who have abused them.

i use the word “forgive” in quotes, because the concept often goes way beyond the biblical mandate.

Faith after Deception

Hi everyone! I hope you don't mind if I share my latest blog post here:

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One of the most common ways in which people are psychologically traumatized whilst in a cult or religious high control group, is the extreme pressure to “forgive” people who have abused them. I use the word “forgive” in quotes, because the concept often goes way beyond the Biblical mandate. Anyone who has read the Bible knows that we are commanded to forgive those who hurt us, which can lead to freedom from bitterness, inner darkness and turmoil.

However, there can only be true reconciliation between two parties when the one who has hurt or offended the other person realizes what he/she has done and apologizes. Why is it that some people seem incapable of taking this step? In all probability, they are Narcissists; which means that they believe themselves to be the center of the universe. They have real trouble understanding how their behaviour impacts others. In fact, their consciences don’t function in the same way as other people; simply speaking – they lack empathy.

Imagine a situation in which a woman is married to an abusive husband. Or, a man is shackled to a woman who psychologically or even physically abuses him. They are both members of a religious congregation. Week after week, they hear sermons about forgiveness and self-sacrifice. The person who has a fully functioning conscience takes these concepts on board, and tries to implement them into their life. However, the Narcissist does nothing of the sort. Instead; he/she sees an opportunity to emotionally manipulate his/her spouse even further. After beating his wife black and blue once again, he comes back with flowers and a “repentant” attitude, demanding forgiveness. These abusers can quote Scripture like Satan did to Jesus in the desert, twisting it to their own benefit.

If the person who is the victim manages to share with a friend or the leader of his/her congregation about the abuse they are suffering, they are often bombarded with the same kind of rhetoric. Rather than being told: “You need to get out! How can I help you do that safely?” many victims are encouraged to stay, pray and remain in extremely harmful situations.

A concrete example of this kind of toxic advice is found in one of the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ Watchtower magazines, from February 15, 2012:

“Consider the case of Selma. When she began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, her husband, Steve, was not pleased. He admits, “I became angry, jealous, possessive, and insecure.” Selma observes: “Even before I got the truth, living with Steve was like walking on eggshells. He was hot-tempered. When I started studying the Bible, this characteristic intensified.” What helped?

Selma recalls a lesson she learned from the Witness who studied with her. “On one particular day,” says Selma, “I didn’t want to have a Bible study. The night before, Steve had hit me as I had tried to prove a point, and I was feeling sad and sorry for myself. After I told the sister what had happened and how I felt, she asked me to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. As I did, I began to reason, ‘Steve never does any of these loving things for me.’ But the sister made me think differently by asking, ‘How many of those acts of love do you show toward your husband?’ My answer was, ‘None, for he is so difficult to live with.’ The sister softly said, ‘Selma, who is trying to be a Christian here? You or Steve?’ Realizing that I needed to adjust my thinking, I prayed to Jehovah to help me be more loving toward Steve. Slowly, things started to change.” After 17 years, Steve accepted the truth.”

Poor Selma had to endure 17 more years of excruciating abuse, before her husband became a fully indoctrinated cult member!!!

Once you start to get to know survivors of cults and spiritual abuse, you will notice that cases of domestic violence are extremely common. Spousal abuse, corporal punishment, child sexual abuse; it’s everywhere. Why is it allowed to carry on and proliferate? Because instead of being empowered to stand up to and break free from their abusers, victims are actively encouraged to remain in a state of passivity and servitude, at great danger to themselves, their children and others, such as elderly relatives.

Many vulnerable people in these groups are shielded from proper protection, due to these kinds of attitudes. They are not told that that they can forgive their abusers and protect themselves at the same time. Forgiving someone does not mean putting yourself in danger. It means letting go of hatred and bitterness and moving towards a brighter future.

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https://faithafterdeception.wordpress.com/

8

Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness (my book)

by Faith after Deception in

choose freedom, choose happiness.

after finally leaving, it can be tempting to “hibernate”.

we attempt to turn the page, “move on” and create a new life for ourselves.

Faith after Deception

NB: This is a great video about cults and mind control: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRauzgPej-o

8

Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness (my book)

by Faith after Deception in

choose freedom, choose happiness.

after finally leaving, it can be tempting to “hibernate”.

we attempt to turn the page, “move on” and create a new life for ourselves.

Faith after Deception

Freedom from Regret (Chapter 4)

One of the most painful things about waking up from a spiritually abusive group is the sensation that you’ve wasted so much of your life. All the sacrifices: maybe you weren’t allowed to follow your dreams, get an education, travel, get married or have a family. Maybe you worked for minimum wage for years and find yourself facing a very poor retirement. Whatever it is, we all have regrets that burden our heart.

You’ll need a safe space and people you can trust to express these feelings freely. Suppressing your doubts, fears and regrets will only make them stronger; and putting on a brave face or a positive attitude can lead to serious mental health problems, such as “Smiling Depression“. It can seem easier to bury these concerns and put them to one side; some people feel so weighed down by all of it that they seek refuge in mind-numbing drugs and/ or alcohol.

The truth is that there are no easy answers or quick solutions to these issues; it’s normal to experience feelings of great anger and even rage towards the Group for all the years of your life that they robbed from you. Again, it’s good to acknowledge your anger and try to give it a productive outlet. Many of the Psalms include prayers of desperation, anger and grief. This shows that far from “putting on a brave face”, we can cry out to God in anguish, begging Him for peace in our inner torment.

Jesus tells us: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27).

The key to this is found in the previous verse: “The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and make you remember all that I have told you” (John 14:26).

If you feel overwhelmed by feelings of regret, confusion and a general lack of direction, the best thing to do is to ask the Father to send you the Holy Spirit, to make sense of everything and guide you on your path.

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There are no “one size fits all” tips on how to move forward, as we are all at different stages in our search for wholeness. Some people are a little further ahead on their journey, so they’re able to offer pearls of wisdom that we can learn from.

Some weeks ago, I asked an open question on an internet forum, about how we can move past these dreadful feelings of regret and pain. Unfortunately, most people responded briefly, with comments such as: “Be bold, have faith, move forward!” and “Don’t become too busy dwelling in the past to build a future!” While these words would be great for a fortune cookie, they’re not particularly helpful here. The issue is: how?

When we receive this type of advice, the tendency is to feel guilty for the dark feelings inside, and attempt to cover them up to become more socially acceptable. However, that will not help anybody. If you find that the people around you lack empathy and are not willing to listen to what you’re going through, you need to seek out a better support system for yourself. We will be reviewing some practical steps on how to do this in the next chapter.

In addition, I really recommend doing a quick search on Youtube for information about moving on after narcissistic abuse, as you’ll find that there are many parallels to be drawn with leaving a cult. There are also some excellent videos on spiritual abuse and cults, by experts in the field. In order to leave behind our regrets and move towards happiness, we need to understand what happened to us. It can be a great idea to speak to a properly trained counselor or psychologist; which can be the key to helping make sense of everything. Whatever route you take, know this: you are not alone.

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8

Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness (my book)

by Faith after Deception in

choose freedom, choose happiness.

after finally leaving, it can be tempting to “hibernate”.

we attempt to turn the page, “move on” and create a new life for ourselves.

Faith after Deception

My Story – Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness (Chapter 3)

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I was born and brought up in the Church of England, which is part of the Anglican/Episcopalian Communion. My father, a man of great intelligence, love and integrity, was an Anglican priest. Once I became a Christian at age 15, I would love to sit with him for hours, talking about all the different questions I had about my faith and life in general. He allowed me to develop my own views, whilst providing support and loving guidance. Very tragically, he died when I was just 17 years old.

At that time, I had a strong but very immature faith. I was young, idealistic and very intolerant of the flaws I saw in my church, so I started to seek fellowship elsewhere. I ventured into Evangelical and even Roman Catholic groups, before deciding to explore the Jehovah’s Witnesses. My path may seem unusual to many, but I was young and very impressionable; easy prey to those who sought to influence and control me.

Eventually, after associating with the Watchtower Organization for just over 3 years, I began to see the terrible mistake I had made. I felt deeply ashamed for “allowing myself” to be indoctrinated by them, because I didn’t understand how Mind Control had been used against me. I see now that when they discover a young, impressionable and idealistic mind, they do everything within their power to bring you to baptism, no matter what it takes. In my case, they “love bombed” me with seemingly genuine affection, at a time when I was extremely lonely; I was finishing my last year of University, thousands of miles away from my fiancé (now husband).

Desperate to find meaning, purpose and a sense of belonging, I was enticed into the cult. As my heart was still grieving the loss of my father, it was no trouble for me to give up things like Christmas, Easter and birthdays, because they all reminded me of him. Being able to skip over these celebrations meant that I could numb the grief and avoid feeling the deep pain at my core.

During my time in the cult, my personality changed notably. I became harsh and judgmental, driving many of my closest friends away with my incessant and unrelenting attacks on their cherished beliefs and observances, such as Christmas, heaven and the Trinity.

My poor mother was at her wit’s end. The warm and affectionate young woman she had raised had transformed into an argumentative, proud and irritating Pharisee. I managed to ruin at least one Christmas with my toxic criticism and constant reminders of its “pagan” origins.

First my mother lost her beloved husband, then within just a few years, her own daughter slipped through her fingers to join a cult. She quickly realized that debating with me about the Scriptures or giving me books to read was going nowhere, as I was skilled in the art of refuting Bible verses and simply refused to listen to reason. I would hide the books she had lovingly purchased as they felt like dangerous kryptonite in my hands. One day I filled a whole shopping cart with my old Christian books and ornaments that I believed to be “demonic”, and threw them all away.

Beyond any shadow of a doubt, this was one of the hardest periods in the whole of my mother’s life. She felt powerless to help or influence me and simply didn’t know what to do. She has always been a woman of faith, and one particular day back in 2007, she knelt down to pray, in desperation. Much later, she shared with me that on that occasion, an image came into her mind while she prayed:

“I saw a very large rubbery web-like structure that Emily was stuck onto. The cables were as thick as an arm and very sticky; covered in powerful glue and crisscrossed like a web. I knew that I had to get her out and tried very hard to pull at her but she was firmly stuck and bounced back. I got help to cut through the thick bonds but it was impossible, as under the rubber was an extremely strong metal cable that we couldn’t cut through with anything. I was dismayed.

A few days later, while praying with other believers, I experienced God saying that I could not pull my daughter out or cut her free but that that His mighty love could completely melt away the bonds that were holding her.

It was an enormous weight off my shoulders and I knew my job was to join with the Lord in loving her. I did not have to worry about researching books about Jehovah’s Witnesses or arguing Bible verses with her but just love her and not worry or be afraid as God had it all in hand.”

My mother obeyed that voice, and within just 3 years I began to open my eyes.

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‘The Awakening’

Some people are fortunate enough to have an extreme “awakening” experience, in which they suddenly become aware of the true nature of the Cult or High-Control Group they have been enslaved to. On the other hand, it can be a much more gradual process spanning several years. Such was my case.

The first “red flag” that I can identify was on the very day of my baptism. I was standing in the changing rooms with the other young girls and women, getting ready to go out and take the plunge. I remember noticing how silent everyone was, and how afraid they all looked. There was no joy on their faces or excitement in their eyes. Nobody even glanced at me with a smile. It was an eerie, troublesome feeling.

Another observation that I made was regarding some of the elderly people that I had met. I thought to myself: if this is the ‘One, True Religion’, it stands to reason that the older people, who have dedicated decades of their lives to this Organization, should be the most spiritual, holy and loving people around. However, I found that many of them seemed to be embittered, unfriendly and prone to gossip.

Sadly, I ignored these red flags, and continued to associate with the Witnesses for an extended period. There were other “warning signs” that should have awakened me from my indoctrinated stupor, but somehow, I couldn’t get free straightaway. One of these was during a Congregational Book Study, back in 2007 or 2008. We were studying a rather frightening, red book called “Revelation – its grand climax at hand!”

I found most of it to be somewhat irrelevant and even ridiculous, but one concept particularly shocked me. I can’t remember the precise details, but it had something to do with locusts with women’s hair and stings in their tails. The explanation of this was abhorrent to me; absolutely antithetical to a God of love, so I quietly got up and walked out.

I should never have gone back after that; why didn’t I have the sense to stay away??? The truth is that I did start attending less regularly and never returned to the Book Study, but it was a while before I could break free altogether.

There were two main reasons why my husband and I kept falling back into the arms of the Watchtower, despite becoming increasingly aware of their shortcomings.

You can find yourself explaining away many things, when you’re seeking a “higher goal”. We were willing to turn a blind eye to many of the darker aspects of the Organization, because we couldn’t identify any other religion that was preaching the “Good News of the Kingdom” in the same way. At several points on our journey, when we were sick of the Watchtower, we would venture into other churches. We found most of them to be close-knit “social clubs”, who seemed to have no interest in seeking the God’s Kingdom. In each place, we felt afraid to reveal our true identity as “ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses”, to avoid being judged or misunderstood. Therefore, we were perpetually outsiders, looking in with semi-indoctrinated eyes. This meant that it was easy to return to what was familiar and where we felt we could be useful.
The instructions in Hebrews 10:25 not to “forsake meeting together” hung heavily over us for a long time. It’s incredible how these words can be used to manipulate and coerce people to go back to a Group they are deeply unhappy with.

Thankfully, I started to realize that when I was out preaching from door to door as a Jehovah’s Witness, I wasn’t actually sharing the ‘Good News’ with people. In fact, it was an indoctrination exercise, designed to bring people into association with the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. When that dawned on me, it was much easier to walk away for good.

Another very significant, eye-opening moment was at a large Convention, in which one of the speakers mentioned “Serving Jehovah’s Organization”. When my husband heard that, he was deeply shocked and troubled. Jesus’ words in Luke 4:8 came to his mind powerfully, reminding him that: “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'”

We were also encouraged by Jesus’ promise that “where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them” (Matthew 18:20). We finally saw that we don’t need to be part of any church or organized religion at all to be a follower of Christ.

That’s not to say that we don’t long to be part of a church family where we are loved and accepted for who we are. As John Donne wrote in his famous poem: “No man is an island”, and we are no exception. Some ex-cult members are lucky enough to find a congregation where they feel at home and are able to enjoy meaningful fellowship with others; this is something that we have finally discovered. Sadly, it’s not that easy for everyone. In addition, it can be recommendable to avoid throwing yourself into another Group before processing what happened to you and giving yourself time to heal. Otherwise, you risk perpetuating the cycle of hurt and disappointment.

In the following chapters we’ll explore some ways we can break free from destructive thinking and habits and move towards true happiness and freedom.

Flying Eagle

8

Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness (my book)

by Faith after Deception in

choose freedom, choose happiness.

after finally leaving, it can be tempting to “hibernate”.

we attempt to turn the page, “move on” and create a new life for ourselves.

Faith after Deception

Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness – Part 2

The Question of Control:

Perhaps the most common question that people of faith regularly get asked is: “Why does God permit suffering in the world?” Before even attempting to answer this, we should stop and listen to a person’s own experience of suffering before we engage them in an academic debate. Then, when the opportunity arises, it’s possible to give a few words in response to this loaded and impossible question.

The most common answer usually boils down to two words: “free will”. God didn’t want an army of perfect automatons to love Him and each other out of compulsion. He chose not to compel us to do good. Humankind has been given the freedom to choose to do good, or evil. As a tragic, but inevitable consequence, we are surrounded by crime, hatred and insecurity, as well as cases of extraordinary generosity and kindness.

In any case, the aim of this book is not to argue the case of God’s existence or the ins and outs of free will, but to explore how victims of Cults and High-Control Groups can break free from their fears and indoctrination and learn to choose happiness on a daily basis.

However, before doing so, it’s important to gain a clear understanding of the nature of these groups. The basic litmus test to evaluate whether a group is acting ethically or not, is whether they allow their members free will.

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To evaluate this, take some time now to consider the group you were part of, and try to answer the following questions, (which I have shared in a previous post), with all honesty:

1) Did your studies or training in the group seem to be endless?

2) Did you have to give up things that you liked doing in order to be accepted into the group? (e.g. music, places you used to go, clothes, family life, celebrations, etc.)

3) Were you encouraged to cut off good friendships or close family ties with people from outside of the group?

4.) If you belonged to the group for most of your life, are there things that you would have liked to have done but you couldn’t, as they were incompatible with the rules of the group?

5.) Did belonging to the group involve dressing in a certain way and using a particular terminology?

6.) Did you notice a double moral standard in the group, where individuals pretend to be an ideal person in order to be accepted?

7.) Did you have to project or maintain an outward appearance of happiness within the group, although deep down you were sad or dissatisfied?

8) Did you have to make more and more of an effort to continue being an active member of the group or are you requested to give more and more money?

9) Was criticism within the group or listening to critics forbidden and punished harshly?

10) Could you reject any instruction or order from the group, although publicly it is phrased as a “suggestion”?

11) Could you question any teaching or doctrine of the group, although the criticism may be well founded and expressed respectfully?

12) Are those who reject or criticize the group or its leaders said to be rejecting God himself?

13) Are the leaders enormously relevant to the group members, and does their influence affect every aspect of the group members’ lives?

14) Are the leaders seen to be superior the rest of the members?

15) Do they claim to have divine authority or to have been appointed directly by God?

16) Do the leaders affirm that only they can communicate with God directly and receive his instructions for the group?

17) In the meetings of the group, are certain phrases or concepts reinforced periodically and topics repeated frequently?

18) Did expressions of love/brotherly affection within the group often seem fake, superficial or insincere?

19) Is it forbidden to date or marry someone who does not belong to the group?

20) As well as the communal meetings, is it obligatory to attend large conferences or other special events, and are members constantly kept very busy in activities related with the group?

21) Did you ever have the feeling that you were never doing enough to reach the prize or recompense that the group promotes?

22) Out of loyalty to the group, were there things that you must not say or secrets that you could not reveal?

23) Did the members of the group claim to be the only ones who could please God?

24) In general, do the group members feel superior to those who don’t belong to it?

25) Does the group teach that they are the only ones who will be saved, and that God will destroy or punish all those who don’t belong to it?

If the majority of your answers to these questions are “yes” (except 10 and 11) you were definitely involved in a sect/cult. Perhaps, as you were considering the questions, you recognized that your church or denomination was not particularly extreme, but that it could be classified as a “High Control Group”. In either case, the probability is that you have been left scarred and wounded, and eager to make a fresh start.

On the other hand, it’s possible that you’re following this blog because you have a friend or loved one who is trapped in a destructive cult or religion. I sincerely hope that reading it will leave you with some pearls of wisdom that will help you to understand and empathize with them better. However, for a more in-depth analysis of how to help people wake up from one of these groups, I would strongly recommend Steven Hassan’s book: “Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs”.

This blog is primarily directed towards those of us who have suffered at the hands of an extremist or fundamentalist religion, that sought to override our free will for years.

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Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness (my book)

by Faith after Deception in

choose freedom, choose happiness.

after finally leaving, it can be tempting to “hibernate”.

we attempt to turn the page, “move on” and create a new life for ourselves.

Faith after Deception

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Choose Freedom, Choose Happiness

After finally leaving, it can be tempting to “hibernate”. We attempt to turn the page, “move on” and create a new life for ourselves. This is important, but if we’re going to achieve this, it’s necessary to become truly free from all the negative and harmful thought patterns that were instilled in us. Otherwise, we could end up falling into despair and deep loneliness, which could lead us return to the Group or become prey to destructive behaviours such as alcoholism, other addictions, mental illness and even suicide.

It is possible to become free, in Christ, who tells us: “if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36). Why is it then that so many of us who follow Him don’t feel free? There seem to be so many sermons and messages preached from the pulpit about how we should be feeling, that it can be very hard to admit that it’s not what we experience on a day to day basis.

Jesus also tells us: “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31). Very sadly, many church leaders and organized religions who claim to “abide in” our Saviour and to teach “the truth” are in fact “ravenous wolves” (Matt 7:15). Are we free to question them? Could we have an open debate with them, in public or in private, to discuss what they do, teach and how they behave? Surely, there must be some Groups whose leaders are open, transparent and humble enough to be willing to do this, but the majority put themselves up on a pedestal above public scrutiny.

This is the root of our lack of freedom, in my opinion. If we’re part of a High Control Group whose leaders seek to govern every aspect of our lives, how can we be free? And even when we manage to escape their grasp and get out, they’ve already infiltrated our minds, so they can carry on influencing our behaviour every day of our lives… Until we put a stop to it!!!

That is the aim of this book, in a nutshell. To identify the ways and areas in which the Group poisoned our minds, so we can gradually start to think for ourselves, and free ourselves from their toxic influence.

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